Personal Pleasers

By definition of this interesting article I was reading earlier, a “People Pleaser” is:

“…a person who commits themselves to boosting the well-being of other people, even when doing comes at an emotional, physical, or economic expense.”

Somehow that struck a chord with me. As I continued reading, I read that people pleasers will comply with requests because they want to make people happy, gain approval, etc. Basically it’s because they can’t…no, can’t is the wrong word. It’s because the don’t want to say no.

“They find it virtually impossible to deny any request, even when doing so causes chaos in their own lives or best-laid plans.”

WOW. Doesn’t this sound familiar. I will not bore anyone with the details of the article, though I found it to be fascinating, but I do encourage you all to go and read it. Then come back and tell me if you fit the profile. I feel like society demands us to please. We’re conditioned from an early age to do so. Do something right: get a treat. Do something wrong: get punished. Why does it always have to be so black & white.

I have 2 questions: Why is it such a bad thing to say no? Why are the people that do what they want called selfish?

Lately I’ve been having problems with black & white worlds. There is a world of color around us, so then why is it so difficult for people to compromise and find some kind of middle ground. Ideally, it’s the most logical thing to do. I think there is more than meets the eye to the “gray area” we all so lovingly use as our scapegoat when we don’t want to be heartless enough to say no, yet not giving enough to say yes. This gray area enables us to not have to choose. The gray area allows us to be personal pleasers. By using the concept of the gray area, we can get out of pleasing others without the shame and guilt that can accompany someone whilst saying no. We  can also we feel the sense of pride and accomplishment that accompanies not saying yes.

Where does it leave the rest of us? Those that are decisive in their actions and words. Those that do not waste time with the frivolity of fancy language and games.

I feel that people pleasing and the lack of is a way we avoid living our lives; by completely focusing all of our time and energy on something or someone else, we can effectively avoid making any wrong decisions in our lives. We can relieve others of the responsibility of pleasing us.

But to what end?

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1743556/the_people_pleasing_personality_please_pg3.html?cat=72

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Oh Brown People How I Love Thee

Indian people make me laugh. Not in a racist way…that would just be weird because I am Indian, but in the way calls for observation and comment.We’re a funny group of people, and I think it’s interesting to see how Indian people have adjusted themselves into American society. I wrote this for my English class in uni. Enjoy!

Indians: More Complicated than Thought

Three types of Indian people grace the world with their presence: The Fob, The Coconut, and The Bigga. The fob is an amazing species of Indian that takes the term “fresh off the boat” to a literal sense. The coconut tries very clumsily to assimilate into American culture by acting white, but makes a fool of himself in the process. The bigga is an Indian masquerading in “bling” as a black person, but only deceiving himself and appearing idiotic to others. Three diverse types of Indians all hailing from the same origin give the impression that looks truly are misleading.

The Fob is the most native type of Indian one can encounter. The fob has no sense of language, style, or body odors. The fob tries speaking with Native Americans and very foolishly thinks that the American will understand him. He replaces his “W” with “V”, making a “waterslide” into a “vaterslide”, or better yet, a “van” into a “wan”. Their sentence structure would make any English teacher want to retire immediately; a simple sentence becomes the most complicated issue. “I am going grocery shopping” can turn into “shopping for the wegetables is where I am deciding to going today.” The fob also has no sense of sense of style; he does not know what to wear and when to wear it. He may try pairing a too-tight-too-small shirt with a pair of high waters and black shiny boots to a formal dance, but then may turn around and wear nice slacks and a dress shirt to school. Sadly though, his fashion faux pas is invisible to him, he walks around the streets smirking to himself thinking his clothing is “hip”, but does not understand why everyone is falling to the ground laughing as he passes by. One more thing the fob refuses to acknowledge is his offensive body odor. It is true that people like to smell nice, but the fob’s version of nice is an intoxicating aroma of curry and sweat. This odor is further enhanced by the fob’s unawareness of an amazing modern miracle; deodorant. The fob does not believe in deodorant, he assumes that just because he has showered for the week, he won’t smell; oh is he wrong. There is nothing worse than a smelly fob. The fob is a mind-boggling and bold species that will walk around talking, dressing, and smelling as he pleases, no matter how many people he might and surely will insult and disgust.

The coconut is the next genus to look out for; he is a tricky one to find. His color may be that of an Indian, but his language, style, and overall appearance hopelessly try to deceive one into thinking he is white. The coconut takes on the language of a white person. He tries to impress others with his awkward use of typical “white words” such as “bro” and “gnarly”, however, he uses them in completely the wrong tense exposing himself as an Indian. Also, the coconut successfully attempts to forget his language and culture by mispronouncing his own language to make himself appear more American. Another thing the coconut is terrific at is his style. The coconut does not mix-and-match his own clothing like the fob, but instead mindlessly buys clothes from Abercrombie, American Eagle, and Hollister to further suppress his true identity; the coconut trades in his culture for a few pairs of expensive jeans and colorful polo shirts. The coconut’s overall appearance is clean cut and very metro sexual. The coconut finds appearance to be a very serious matter; he spends more time in the bathroom than a girl. Gel, hair mouse, and aftershave, all things that the fob would never even dream of, contribute to the nice, and even pretty overall appearance of the coconut. The coconut strives to be like the white people in this sense, smelling nice and looking good, but fails because some things are still out of his reach. The coconut tries to assimilate into American culture by changing everything, from his appearance to his style, but never quite reaches the level of the white people.

The bigga is the last type of Indian left to explore; his language, style, and attitude are what isolate and humiliate him. The bigga tries to use language only found in rap videos in his daily life; “whas up homie” and “youz my dawg” are common phrases heard among the bigga and his “playas”. These phrases, when used in the wrong situation, can and will amount to massive problems; the bigga has no sense of what he is saying, he merely tries to act like a black person so he may become more popular. What the bigga does not realize, is that he comes across as a brainless git because everyone around him knows he is Indian and he knows he is Indian, but his charade of trying to act black continues through his language. Another way the bigga belittles and exposes himself as an Indian is through his clothing style. The bigga struggles to walk in his three sizes too big shorts and “white tees”. He believes that the larger his clothing, the more black and “gangsta” he looks. To be black, the bigga assumes some “bling” is necessary; normally Indians sport gold chains and bracelets, but the bigga rejects these items and favors silver and platinum chains and bracelets. These things give the impression that “bling” is a crucial element The bigga fails to see the reality of the situation, white people mock him for his “penguin strut”, Indian people refuse to acknowledge his existence, and black people want to hurt him for disrespecting their culture of big clothing and large “bling”. All in all, the bigga fails completely in all ways possible in his endeavor to become black; if he tries too hard though, the bigga may just find himself hanging upside down from a ten-story building while the real “gangstas” laugh nearby while trying to pull up their own shorts and hide their own “penguin strut”.

The fob, coconut, and bigga all try in their own ways to fit into society, but all fail miserably when trying to be something they are not. The fob, boldest of all, keeps his own identity but also tries to absorb into American society, but is rejected because the body odor he exhumes is enough to absorb all the technological jobs around him. The coconut shamelessly gives up his own culture in hopes of retaining a bit of American culture, but is cast off because his jeans are not the right shade of blue, and his word choice “so twenty minutes ago”. Lastly, the bigga is abandoned by his “black brothas” because his “bling” and language aren’t ghetto enough, and he makes the other “playas” look like they have “no game”. In short, Indians have no one category they belong to, because no matter who they try to act like, look like, and smell like, they can always live with the faith that they will be rejected.

People Change

Sitting on my bed looking at photographs of a time that seems to exist as a past life, I think to myself…people change. I look at myself and I know I have changed. From a care-free child, naive in every way, refusing to believe that bad existed anywhere, people were not deceitful, relationships did not end, and friends did not leave-to a cautious adult who knows the heartaches of break ups, knows the pain of deserting friends, and has felt first-hand betrayals by those close to her heart.

I know now that the phrase “people are not always what they seem” is so true…but not because people intentionally try to be deceitful, but simply because people change. Over time, we think of someone a certain way, absolutely positive they will not change, but we cannot deny that eventually we all learn more of the world and in turn learn more of ourselves making our ideas, fashions, morals, and ultimately our entire beings change.

Why is it surprising and in a way painful when those close to you change and drift? It should not, obviously people will change as is required..if people did not learn more of the world and change, and their ideals and goals did not change because of it, we would still be a primitive species.

So why is this “change” so difficult for society to grasp? Why do people cause a fuss when those around us change? I think I know why…fear of the unknown. When people change, we can no longer understand them, we no longer know what makes them tick (for lack of better words), and we can no longer assume to know everything about them. It’s a scary thought isn’t it? But I suppose that is part of life is it not? People change.