It’s Getting Personal.

I know I know I know. I slacked. Not like a little bit, but truly a horrendous amount. I haven’t written anything since 2011. Well you know what? It’s because a dog ate my computer. A tornado blew my passwords away. A monkey told me blogging was evil. I got busy with City Year. I was too tired to write. I didn’t have anything good to write about. I was without motivation. I….those are all terrible and tired excuses.

Truth is, I just didn’t think it was that important anymore to write. I had a muse, if you will, that inspired some amazing thoughts in my head…once that muse as gone…well I associated my writing, my blog, with that muse and it brought on painful memories.

Sidenote: You’ll notice that this is probably one of the rare times that I am talking about myself in my blog. I’ve tried all this time to not get personal, to leave ME out of my blog, but I think you’ll see a little of that changing.

Back to business, SO what have I been doing for almost two years?

I was in City Year. The best decision of my life. I met incredible people, I worked in a diverse environment, I was surrounded by positivity, compassion, tolerance, and IDEAS. I thought I was going to move to San Antonio, work in an at-risk school with underprivileged kids and change their lives. I was wrong. They changed mine.

Whilst pulling twelve hour days, often 8 days a week, I was planning for my wedding. Yes, I got married. How time flies and things happen. I moved from sunny, beautiful, perfect, bustling Houston to Kansas City, MO. Was it worth it? Hell yes. Do I hate the winters? Boy, do I ever.

My wonderful husband and I were having a very candid conversation last night, and he asked me why I looked so unhappy. I commented that since moving, I hadn’t really found something I could put all my energy and stress into. I have began crafting, and below is the result of one of my recent endeavors.

Image

This is a thrift store table that I refinished and painted.

Anyways, he questioned me on why I didn’t write anymore, and I just gave him excuses…but the truth is…writing has always been my release. The only way I know how to get emotions out of my body and soul, is to write them down, put them somewhere, and let go of whatever it is I am feeling.

Et voila! Je suis ici!

I am going to challenge myself to really commit back to one of my true loves this year! Wish me luck, and I hope you’ll support me on this journey.

Until next time, you stay classy San Diego.

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Oh, Heart’s Day…You’re Back.

I know everyone’s super excited about Valentine’s Day and all, but really? If you really care about someone, why not show them every day? Why save all your love for just one day? That’s a bit silly, yes? Before you go and judge me and think I’m being bitter, I’m not. I’m just being realistic. I love being in love just as much as the next girl, but I don’t see the point of making a spectacle of it. Love is beautiful, profound, and very personal.

Why is Valentine’s Day supposed to be THE DAY to show it? How come the only way to prove your love is with overpriced roses, a ridiculously busy restaurant reservation, and chocolates that don’t really taste that good? If you’re really in love with someone, show them you care by doing something personal for them every day. Believe me, when push comes to shove, they’ll remember the little gestures with more love and fondness than the huge gestures. Why you ask? Because the little gestures are intimate. They’re personal. They’re everything that your relationship is made up of. The big gestures are society’s ideas of what love should be like. No one can truly understand your love the way you do, so why celebrate in such a conformed way?

Ack, maybe I’m just in a bad mood today. Regardless, here are some quotes about love for all those lovers out there. May you always be as in love with your significant other as you are today.

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”
-St. Augustine

“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced
life.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert

“L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

The love that moves the sun and the other stars.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”

-Mother Teresa

“You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. “

-Jonathan Carroll, “Outside the Dog Museum”

“Infatuation is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners.  Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway.”

-Judith Viorst,Redbook, 1975

“Love is a symbol of eternity.  It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. “

-Author Unknown

(And my personal favorite)

“Love is as strong as death, as hard as Hell. Death separates the soul from the body, but love separates all things from the soul.”

-Meister Eckhart


http://www.quotegarden.com/love.html

New Year. New Me.

2010. This has been an interesting year to say the least.

All over the world life altering events have happened; we’ve had natural disasters, drawn out wars, divided ourselves over our political views, had breakthroughs in science, pushed the boundaries with music, movies, and fashion, and so much more. On a more personal level, 2010 has definitely been a roller coaster of sorts for me. It took hard work, heartache, numerous pints of Haagan Dazs ice cream, some serious self control, and more patience than I ever dreamed I could have to get me where I am today: a week before 2011. One week till the new year. One week till my new beginning. One week till I let go of everything that brought me down this past year. One week till I start over and find new memories to cherish and new people to love.

I have a feeling in my heart and soul that 2011 is going to be a good year. This new year is going to be all.about.me. I’ve spent my life trying so hard to do the right thing; make people happy by fulfilling their every whim, sitting back and being treated however they feel like treating me…basically, letting my happiness take a backseat while I scramble to make those around me feel constantly loved and supported. What about me though? This year has taught me many things-one lesson I’ve decided to take to heart is: I deserve something wonderful. I deserve something wonderful, and now I’m going to go out and fight for the things I know in my heart I deserve. 2011 is going to be my my year. I’m going to shape my destiny.

To make a long story short, I’m going to own 2011.

Believe in yourself.

Trust yourself.

Fight for yourself.

Why so Serious?

Life is funny. Everyone says that. Why do we say that though? What is so funny?  When things don’t go our way we say “life’s funny that way.” When things do go our way, we say “life’s funny that way.” Life is filled with moments, both good and bad. Do we cope with the bad parts by downplaying the pain and finding humor where none may exist? Do we make jokes about the good parts because we can’t believe our luck or maybe because we feel we don’t deserve the good that has come our way?

I’m curious to know why people tribute, feelings, and emotions to humor when in truth, it has nothing to do with it. We laugh when we mean to cry because we think it takes the sting out of the pain. It doesn’t. We find humor in happiness because we can’t believe our luck. Luck has nothing to do with it. Happiness comes to us the same way sadness does; through the people we meet and fall in love with, through the situations we put ourselves in, and the positive or negative ways we perceive life. The above statements all have one thing in common…’we‘. We choose if are happy and we choose if we are sad. No one is a victim of circumstance, and we all have the capacity to take charge of our happiness.

Hiding behind humor’s painted face and big red nose is not the way to live life. Humor should be something we indulge ourselves in, not an escape route so we don’t have to face our true emotions and situations. Humor should be vibrant and open, not painted on like a clown’s mask that hides what we really feel.

We fail to realize that we are the masters of our lives; take charge of your emotions instead of letting them take charge of you. Face them head on with your battle armor on and spear at the ready, don’t cower and use shields that aren’t really going to help you achieve anything.

I shall leave you with this:

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

-William Arthur Ward

LO + VE =A Whole Lot of Emotions

Have you ever noticed how different emotions can affect people?

For one person, failure can be the boost necessary to kick one’s life into full force. For another, failure can be the final straw sending that person down a dismal and lonely tunnel. Happiness can cause some to rejoice and thank God for their good fortune, but Happiness can also cause jealousy, malice, and ultimately a most horrible betrayal. There is one emotion however, that trumps every other: Love.

Love is the emotion that makes people believe in fairy tales. It’s the emotion that is responsible for hundreds of thousands of books, movies, music, etc. Love endured empires being built and destroyed, countries ravaging each other in the name of religion, and a time and age where suspicion is easily roused. Love is what everyone is looking for…whether or not they like to admit it.

That feeling that comes with love, the one that makes you feel insecure and unsure, like there’s a gross pit in the bottom of your stomach that won’t stop churning making you feel like you’re going to hurl. Vulnerability. It is the absolute worst possible feeling ever. Being vulnerable means trusting someone else completely, maybe more than you trust yourself. It means letting someone in; letting them into your heart. I think there’s a reason God created a ribcage around the heart (besides the obvious reasons); To remind us to be cautious of who we allow to get comfy in the crevices of our most prized possession. Nevertheless we fall in love, hurdle through the different torturous levels of vulnerability, and somehow manage to get out alive.

“Love is not love until love’s vulnerable”

-Theodore Roethke

Human emotions are incredibly complex and fascinating, and they do a right job of making people topsy turvy and inside out…especially that silly love one. It’s the most dangerous and deceptive of all. It’s the emotion capable of causing all others; happiness, sadness, failure, rejection, excitement, lust, and joy. Like I said in a previous ramble:

“Love, was, is, and always will be God’s greatest gift and most painful curse.”

Smooth Sailing on a Bumpy Road

I think nature has so much to teach us if we’d only take a minute to stop and see. The answers to questions regarding ‘life’s up and downs’ can be conveyed to us simply by the tides of the ocean.

Tides

Tides roll in from the ocean,
With it, come all the sorrow and fun.
Every moment we were shunned,
Comes alive with a blazing burn.

The good and bad come alive in front of our eyes,
The obstacles ahead, drain our fate dry.
The pain we felt, makes us cry,
But, eventual happiness lets us fly high.

Life brings a barrel of emotions so true;
It takes  your life and throws it into a stew.
Everything once so concrete, everything you drew,
Hides in your soul where only you wished it grew.

Life has ups and downs,
But like the rolling tides, you must continue and not drown.