By definition of this interesting article I was reading earlier, a “People Pleaser” is:
“…a person who commits themselves to boosting the well-being of other people, even when doing comes at an emotional, physical, or economic expense.”
Somehow that struck a chord with me. As I continued reading, I read that people pleasers will comply with requests because they want to make people happy, gain approval, etc. Basically it’s because they can’t…no, can’t is the wrong word. It’s because the don’t want to say no.
“They find it virtually impossible to deny any request, even when doing so causes chaos in their own lives or best-laid plans.”
WOW. Doesn’t this sound familiar. I will not bore anyone with the details of the article, though I found it to be fascinating, but I do encourage you all to go and read it. Then come back and tell me if you fit the profile. I feel like society demands us to please. We’re conditioned from an early age to do so. Do something right: get a treat. Do something wrong: get punished. Why does it always have to be so black & white.
I have 2 questions: Why is it such a bad thing to say no? Why are the people that do what they want called selfish?
Lately I’ve been having problems with black & white worlds. There is a world of color around us, so then why is it so difficult for people to compromise and find some kind of middle ground. Ideally, it’s the most logical thing to do. I think there is more than meets the eye to the “gray area” we all so lovingly use as our scapegoat when we don’t want to be heartless enough to say no, yet not giving enough to say yes. This gray area enables us to not have to choose. The gray area allows us to be personal pleasers. By using the concept of the gray area, we can get out of pleasing others without the shame and guilt that can accompany someone whilst saying no. We can also we feel the sense of pride and accomplishment that accompanies not saying yes.
Where does it leave the rest of us? Those that are decisive in their actions and words. Those that do not waste time with the frivolity of fancy language and games.
I feel that people pleasing and the lack of is a way we avoid living our lives; by completely focusing all of our time and energy on something or someone else, we can effectively avoid making any wrong decisions in our lives. We can relieve others of the responsibility of pleasing us.
But to what end?