Does the Shape of the Peg Really Matter?

A few days ago, my editor at BrownGirl Magazine emailed us a blog post that was absolutely appalling.  When she asked if anyone wanted to do a rebuttal, I instantly grabbed the opportunity.  Have a look at the original post: http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/pegs_and_holes/ . Below is my response. Enjoy dearest stalkers! =)

——

Dear Scott Adams,

I have been sitting at my computer screen staring at the blank page in front of me for several days. No matter how many times I read your post titled “Pegs and Holes” I cannot seem to shake it. That was not a compliment. I have more than several issues with your musings so let’s get right down to it.


Blame and shame are not society’s tools for keeping peace and order. Blame is when responsibility for a fault or error is being placed on someone; one does not blame simply to keep people, specifically men, in line. Shame is a human emotion; an emotion that comes from within a person when they realize they’ve done somethin wrong. Shame is not a societal weapon used to ‘castrate’ men and keep them on leashes.  Societal rules are not the root of the problem.


I’m slightly confused as to which version of reality you reside in as throughout history it is a known fact that actions such as cheating, sleeping around, etc. are not only acceptable for men, they are encouraged. Lets go back in history for a minute. In 17th century England, it was customary for married men to get their carnal pleasures outside of the marital chamber. Even kings were known to engage in adultery casually and frequently. It was understood because ‘men have needs’. Every woman was fair game, and every woman conquered resulted in a hearty pat on the back and a mug full of ale to celebrate one’s manhood. Those same women who partook in the debauchery were instantly considered ‘dirty’. They were no longer ‘pure’ or ‘virtuous’ and any hopes of a good marriage could be considered as good as gone. Even better, if a queen acquired a lover, she and her lover could be subject to punishment; he by death, and she by a nunnery. Why? Let’s fast forward to the present day. In today’s culture a man who get’s a lot of women is known as a ‘player’. Most guys aspire to reach that ‘player status’ so they too can be part of the elite group. If a woman does the EXACT same thing, there are words to describe her that are too vulgar for me to type. Christina Aguilera’s song “Can’t Hold us Down” comes to mind:

“If you look back in history it’s a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory, the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore
I don’t understand why its OK,
The guy can get away with it while any girl gets named”

History has shown us that it has been a ‘man’s world’; women were treated as property with no voice and no rights. The mentality was for women to be seen and not heard. Now, we see a shift in societial views where mens’ previously acceptable behavior is finally creating a stir and causing scruitny among not just women, but also some men. The cat is finally out of the bag, and clearly you, Mister Adams, are not okay with it. Yes, there is an alarming trend in the news about powerful men behaving badly. No, it is not something new. What is new, is the fact that it is being publicized; these men are being made examples of and rightly so in my opinion. Why is it okay for these men to abuse their stations of power and their wealth to engage in heinous acts and then get off scot free? That has nothing to do with round pegs in square holes Mister Adams, it has to do with justice. One cannot commit a crime such as sexual assult or rape, blame it on the fact that you are a man born with ‘urges’, and not accept responsibility for your actions. Everyone has a moral compass, and it is that moral compass that tells us the difference between right and wrong.


Since when was it every man’s, married or otherwise, desire to ‘tweet his meat to strangers’? There is no such thing as black and white in relationships. There is a way for both men and women to be satisfied in their commitment and be happy as well…it’s called compromising. I’m not sure about your version of the future world, but I don’t think it involves pills that take away manhood. Personally, I feel that society and the world are moving towards a more balanced state based on equality between men and women. Does that bother you?


I do understand that there are women out there that do engage in cheating, etc. and do so because they feel like they’re ‘sticking it to the man’ and are doing what they do to be super feminist, BUT that is not the point of feminism. Those actions are no more right than men doing those things simply because they can. What you need to understand is that society is NOT to blame for this. We are. Each person has the ability to make decisions; we are our actions. One cannot blame society for one’s faults or actions. Men are not round pegs in square holes; we’re whatever shape peg we want to be and there’s always a matching hole for us.

Sincerely,

BrownGirl from London

P.S. MY peg is totally a star. Yes, there is a matching star hole for it. =)


					
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9 thoughts on “Does the Shape of the Peg Really Matter?

  1. SG says:

    I read your post on my blackberry without even reading the original post you were replying too. As expected, I didn’t really need to read the original post, since you’re writing style/skills are so amazing.

    Anyway, I did nothing but nod while reading your post and I agree 110%. I am glad that people’s mistake are coming into the limelight now. Resignations are a lot more common these days!

    Nonetheless, a lot of men are still fortunate/lucky to get forgiveness from their better halves, because there honestly is no excuse for such acts

    PS had no idea you were from London.

    • It makes me smile inside when I see your comments on my post. You’re more than welcome to read Scott Adams blog as his views are quite interesting.

      P.S. Yes! East London forever! =D

  2. SG says:

    I actually went to the event here in Toronto. I honestly expected a lot more, most of the stars didn’t show so I was a bit disappointed. However, the turnout was pretty awesome, tickets to the event sold out within 5-10 mins back in January!

    It was decent I suppose… but after paying so much for a ticket, $40 for parking, and suffering through so much traffic — I really expected A LOT more.

  3. J says:

    I feel we need to differentiate between sexual crimes committed by men and general male sexual “misbehaviour”. I’m sure we can all agree that rape and other associated acts are unacceptable and deserve a legal sanction and psychological rehabilitation, as well as a heap of blame and shame.

    However, most women will never accept the genetic urges programmed into most of the male species. This is not about fighting for men to be allowed to do some things, and women not. It’s about recognising that in 90% of cases, men and women are wired in a fundamentally different way. The notion of lifelong coupledom and fidelity are societal creations that strongly conflict with what a male was intended by nature to do, which, crudely put, was to impregnate as widely as possible and accumulate sexual partners. Now, of course, I am the first to accept that this can lead to an emotionally empty life for a male and I am not seeking to promulgate it as the secret to a happy life – in fact, if marriage has survived at all as an institution, it’s because many men can cite only their marriage as their sole experience of emotional intimacy and trust. However, this is very separate (in most male heads) from a his genetic urge to… well, find lots of round holes (I feel the peg and hole analogy was particularly badly chosen for this subject…).

    This is not to say that women do not have an ability to feel attracted to more than one person – I myself am with a wonderful British Asian girl who I know loves me, but one who has made serious drunken mistakes on two occasions with other guys. As a general rule however (and this certainly increases as the girl gains in maturity and age), women are ingrained with a nesting habit. They may play around initially, but once they have their husband and children and home set up, they are unlikely to actively want to seek sexual deviance unless they really feel they have big problems with their relationship. The societal creation of marriage suits them very well and meets their every need. Moreover, in the UK at least, in the event of divorce, assets often have to be divided 50-50 unless ownership is extremely clear – so you see, even if the marriage breaks down, the female need to ensure her protection and the wellbeing of her offspring is ensured (she can take her share of the dismantled common property and safeguard her future). In a society where (unfortunately), men are still often on higher salaries and more often in employment, this female-orientated divorce process certainly wasn’t designed to benefit them.

    This is such a huge subject (and often gets blown into a men v women playground argument), that it’s difficult to structure this comment. In summary, I would simply say that whilst male sexual crimes deserve heavy sanction, the general male urge to jump on anything young, fertile and available is not something that should be morally judged. It is extremely hard to resist, and a life of marital “compromise” as you suggest has never been evidenced as being successful for male happiness – it works more to the female genetic advantage. Moreover, the more conservative and marriage-based the society, the more carnal and repressed male urges become. I read recently (in the NYT I believe) that India and China are the countries with the highest percentage of male infidelity within marriage. When I myself went to India, I was amazed by how desperate the men were to live out what they were genetically programmed to do (they seemed to view any encounter with a white westerner as an opportunity to ask questions on white western male’s sexual freedom). You talk of compromise. Ultimately, the only compromise that would resolve this difficult situation is if womankind understood that it can have a husband for life, but in exchange, he may be allowed to have limited physical, non-sentimental encounters elsewhere very occasionally, without it being seen as an emotional rejection of his wife (which it rarely is – ask any guy who’s cheated if he still loves his wife/girlfriend,,, most will emphatically respond with a yes). Men do not afford women the same liberty in exchange because they are programmed to understand that women’s natural purpose is to bare and protect their children. This is not a social value judgment, it’s merely what nature clearly wanted.

    As an aside, I enjoy your writing style and general thoughts on India – well done for a very good blog, and I hope you will take my reply as it was intended, rather than as being the words of a Player, which I am not!

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