This morning started out as any other: I woke up, went downstairs, got my cup of tea and two biscuits, and turned on the television to CNN’s Morning Express with Robin Meade. I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day when Natasha Curry was laughing on my television screen instead of Robin. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Natasha Curry just fine, but it’s not Morning Express with Natasha Curry, it’s Morning Express with Robin Meade. Whilst absorbing this horrifying fact, I was slammed with another devastating blow: 13 zodiacs.
What does that even mean!? There have always been 12 zodiacs: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, and Sagittarius. Now, all of a sudden, there is Ophiuchus. This is supposed to fall in between Sagittarius and Capricorn. This means that all the zodiac dates have been pushed by a month. In an article on Time.com, Megan Freidman writes:
“The astronomers from the Minnesota Planetarium Society found that because of the moon’s gravitational pull on Earth, the alignment of the stars was pushed by about a month.”
So basically this means that everything we knew about horoscopes and ourselves is now wrong. According to the article:
“Ancient Babylonians had 13 constellations, but wanted only 12, so threw out Ophuchicus, the snake holder.”
An article in the Huffington Post says that Astronomer Parke Kunkle believes this was inevitable:
“The change didn’t happen over night either. The 12 signs were designated to different periods of the year almost 3,000 years ago, when astrology began, and since then the Earth’s position in relation to the sun has changed.”
According to the article, it was only a matter of time before there was a 13th spot created in the sky.
Now, before we move on to what your new zodiac will be, let’s get a bit of background information on this Ophiuchus character. He is part of the 88 constellations, and was even one of the 48 listed by Ptolemy. He enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners…oh wait, wrong site. Ochiuchus is Latin for “Serpent-holder.” There are many stories in mythology about Ophiuchus, here is one:
“Another version states that Asclepius witnessed a snake reviving a dead snake with herbs. Zeus then killed Asclepius with a thunderbolt to prevent the knowledge from spreading, but out of honor for his life works, turned him into the constellation Ophiuchus.”
The most distressing thing though, is that Ophiuchus is not recognized in astrology. Yes, he’s a constellation, but he has no astrological symbol unlike the other twelve. What I want to know now is:
1. What will the so-called ‘temperament’ of these Ophiuchi be?
2. What will the symbol be?
3. What will people who have gotten tattoos of their zodiac symbol do when they realize that they were wrong and now have the wrong symbol etched into their skin for all eternity?
I hope no one else endures the woe and confusion I did this morning when I learned my life was a sham and that I’m a Leo instead of a Virgo. Now I have to go and do all this research on how I’m supposed to act. *shakes fist at Parke Kunkle and the ‘wobbling’ axis*. I told you earlier I’d fill you in on the new zodiac splits, so here they are. Enjoy!
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.