Movie Mayhem

I used to write for my school’s newspaper; humor column. Go figure. I had a lot of time to hang around and observe people because well, I wrote for the school paper. The Legend Newspaper it was called. Awesome paper, and even cooler writers on the newspaper staff.

Movie Mayhem

Most teenagers believe that the best part about the weekend is getting to go out. Now, the movies are an average teenager’s favorite way to relieve stress from the piles and mountains of homework, quizzes, tests, and of course never ending gossip. So, when you decide to go to the movies, you waste gas (which is oh so expensive now), time and ultimately precious money, so of course you anticipate a great time.

When you go into the movie theatre, I’m sure you all are determined to watch your movie in peace because being the busy kid you are, you need valuable time to just “chill” and hopefully get your money’s worth. Everyone is engaged in casual conversation about who is going out with whom, and whose life is more dramatic then “Days of our Lives”, and occasionally conversation about something worthwhile, for example politics or poverty may come up…but that’s if you’re in intelligent company.

Now, when the lights go out, we expect people to STOP talking, because like trained monkeys, we know when to not talk; all those years of practicing with teachers turning the lights off to get kids to stop talking would pay off right about now. It should be second nature that when the lights shut off, your mouth should as well, but no, it seems to be the opposite, as soon as the lights go off, the “fun begins.” I know that all of you reading this have engaged in at least ONE popcorn fight, one game of “who can cough the loudest”, or even one game of random silly comments that make no sense like “your mom’s a monkey from Africa.”

Another wonderful way to NOT get your money’s worth at the movies is to sit next to someone who loves to talk to the movie screen. You know, those people that see Johnny walking into the dark scary room and yell out to the screen “NO Johnny, don’t do it!” yes, those people, they are one of the BEST ways to wonder WHY you brought them with you to the movies, and WHY they are your friend. I, myself, have spoken to the movie screen many times only to get smacked in the stomach, or hushed by the cute cuddly couple in the row in front of me who thought they came to see “King Kong” when in fact they are sitting in “Toy Story 2.”

However, one of the best ways to stress yourself out even more at the movies instead of relaxing would be to go with those people who have seen the movie one or two times before they come to watch it with you. Those lovely “movie goers” sit in the movies only to “accidentally” say “Oh, you know they all die in the end” which completely defeats the whole purpose of the movie and makes it worthless; now you can sit through the movie thinking “Who dies next?” Another thing that I’m sure you all appreciate is when that same movie goer sits through the movie clutching onto your hand with all his/her might while banging your hand into the arm rest and cutting off its circulation whispering loudly “Oh oh look what happens next, this is the BEST part!”

All these things make me wonder why in the world anyone would want to go to the movies at all. Is it for the popcorn fights, or maybe it’s because they just like to look at the cute cuddly couple in the row in front of you. It’s one of those unexplainable mysteries that still seem to bring in large crowds of stressed out people.


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